Another season of birthdays is here. Sam’s party yesterday started us off. Su is next in three weeks with her 50th, then me almost a month later, Mercedes the next day and then Rebecca about six months later. We no longer have the large lavish parties with a cast of thousands (well dozens anyway), entertainment, MCs, costumes for the kids, closing down the street in front of the house, etc. I was never particularly fond of those monster affairs, but Su and the kids were and so we had them. Strangely enough, just about the time that we were having these, large kids’ parties were becoming popular around the country. Maybe a sign of the developing middle class, conspicuous consumption or just a way to introduce a little excitement into the humdrum daily life of kampung residents.
During one party, a Balinese tour guide led a large group of Danish tourists into the kampung, stumbled across one of our parties and invited himself and his tour group. I was somewhat taken aback to be one of the exotic “others” that was being photographed and videotaped, but my wife thought it was great and led the group up to a favored spot in the festivities so they could see everything and get first grabs at the food.
These days we just have family which gives us quite enough participants considering the size of the family here. This was the first party without Mercedes and Rebecca – I know Mercedes missed it, I’m not sure about Rebecca. She’s as tight-lipped as usual about her activities in Denpasar. So Sam turned 16 and with the end of the school year just weeks away that means that he too will be gone in just a few years. As it is, having Rebecca gone has made the house seem a lot quieter.
Indonesian families have traditionally been quite large; during former president Suharto’s New Order regime, the government aggressively promoted their dua anak cukup (two children are enough) program of family planning. That did bring down the birth rate in the country, but still it’s quite common to see families with three or more kids. In a country with no social security program or safety net for old age, kids still are the retirement program for the poor and working class. Children still believe that it’s their responsibility to care for their parents in their old age. But with salaries the way they are in Indonesia even for even professionals, there’s only so much that kids can give back to their parents.
Some elderly folks will move in with their children, or if the parents have enough space, one or more of the kids will move back home. The parents get some support – financial and emotional – and the kdis get babysitters. For other less fortunate parents, they receive at least one visit a year at Idul Fitri time when everyone around the country does the pulang kampung (going back to the village) routine and the roads, trains, planes and buses are a mass of moving humanity. During these times, the children who have left home bring back presents to their parents and any other family members still back in the kampung. I frequently have people my age proudly tell me that their child has this or that job and that they just sent them some money or gave them a TV when they last visited home.
So, I’m getting to that stage in life now. My first child from another wife lives in the States, my eldest daughter here is away at nursing school and has no intentions of coming back to live at home, my second daughter is hoping to get into the university down south and most likely will never end up living in the kampung either, now Sam is getting close to the age of leaving home while Meredith still has at least another five years with us.
I spent some time last night sitting on the roof, after everyone had gone home, pondering the nature of the Indonesian family, how we fit into that cultural model and what the future will bring. Our kids have been brought up in a mixed home with cultural elements from both the US and Indonesia. It will be interesting how these play out over the coming years.
